Sex Education

Mutual masturbation and the benefits of

When we think about masturbation we often think of solo pleasure but masturbation can be a joint experience. Mutual masturbation is when someone engages in masturbation with another person. Almost everyone has engaged in mutual masturbation at least once in their life time, with many exploring mutual masturbation during the early stages of their sexual awakening.

We can often forget about masturbation when it comes to shared sexual pleasure, as often we can see it as a stepping stone towards penetrative sex rather than just something that can be fun in itself. However, mutual masturbation can awaken sexual sensations throughout the body and reduced repetitiveness in pleasure where many feel stuck and stagnant.

What is Mutual Masturbation?

The great thing about mutual masturbation is that there can be a few ways to explore it. If you’re nervous or wishing to connect to a partner via long distance, mutual masturbation can be done over phone sex and video call.

When done in person mutual masturbation doesn’t have to involve reciprocal touch, rather it could involve one of you masturbating or both just masturbating next to each other. There’s no need for you to touch each other’s bodies during every mutual masturbation session, as mutual masturbation is more about sharing the experience and connecting and being present with each other rather than just touching each other’s bodies.

What are the benefits of Mutual Masturbation?

There are many benefits to mutual masturbation that can help enhance relationships whilst also engaging in amazing sexual pleasure.

Closing the orgasm gap

Mutual masturbation is a great way to explore non-penetrative sex. Taking the focus away from penetrative sex can help you explore your body and your partners body with sensate stimulation focusing on different erogenous zones. When we explore non-penetrative sex such as mutual masturbation, not only can it help us learn about new pleasurable sensations we didn’t know of before, it can help maintain spontaneity, whilst also helping to reduce the orgasm gap.

Allows for vulnerability

For any form of sex, vulnerability is essential when it comes to allowing yourself to experience sexual pleasure. Vulnerability means you’re able to relax and let go of the day-to-day stresses whilst in the presence of another, and this can help you calm your parasympathetic nervous system, which is essential when it comes to being able to allow yourself to let go and enjoy sexual pleasure sensations and orgasms. Mutual masturbation allows you to relax and take your time if you want to, without having to focus on orgasms and penetrations, you are able to explore other areas of the body sensually and take time to talk about boundaries and consent when it comes to types of stimulation.

Great for exhibitionists and voyeurisms

If you get stimulated by watching others pleasure themselves, mutual masturbation can help increase and arousal, as you can watch your partner pleasure themselves. It can also be great for those who enjoy being an exhibitionist and get aroused by putting on a show for their partner.

If one person enjoys voyeurism during mutual masturbation, but the other person is nervous or shy, they may find it better when using a blindfold during the experience and could even enhance sensations. As always talking about boundaries is key.

Learn more about your partners likes and dislikes

Mutual masturbation is one way to show your partner how, where and what type of stimulation you enjoy. You can either show them what stimulation you enjoy, or even direct their hands or sex toys in motions and to areas you enjoy being stimulated. This can help you both explore sexual pleasure more and can even make it easier to experience orgasms.

When it comes to introducing sex toys in a relationship, introducing sex toys during mutual masturbation can help you both learn how the sex toys work as well as learn how you both enjoy different settings.

It’s an amazing way to connect with a partner

It doesn’t matter if you experience mutual masturbation in person or long distance, mutual masturbation can help you connect with your partner more. When done long distance it can help you both learn new ways to communicate and listen to each other’s desires.

When engaging in in person mutual masturbation it also requires communication both verbal and physical. Focusing on the emotions can help you learn to be empathic behind each other’s masturbation likes and dislikes too. Masturbation with a partner can also build positive connections and release feel-good hormones within the brain and make it easier for you to recall pleasurable moments and in turn help enhance fantasies and future sexual encounters.

It can allow you to explore different positions

During mutual masturbation you can explore different positions and this can allow you both to explore different parts of each other’s bodies. Mutual masturbation can allow you to explore positions that aren’t possible in penetrative sex, some of these can be less tiring and more accessible.

Explore different power dynamics

The great thing about mutual masturbation, you can explore different power dynamic roles during it. Try whispering different masturbation techniques you like to your partner to perform on you, or allow you partner to take control and surprise you with different sensations.

Remember foreplay

Many people think that masturbation itself is foreplay, but in reality foreplay is any activity that gets you in the mood or sets the scene for sexual pleasure. Set-up the room for you and your partner to relax in together if engaging in in person mutual masturbation, certain music, massage candles scents, and different lighting can all help you to awaken arousal. When doing long distance mutual masturbation make sure that you are positioned somewhere you feel comfortable too.


Main benefits to mutual masturbation:

  • Helps maintain spontaneity
  • Allows you to be vulnerable with a partner
  • Helps you educate each other about what you enjoy
  • Can be a big turn on for those into voyeurism and exhibitionists
  • A way to connect that’s not penetration focused
  • Keeps you connected
  • Can be less tiring than penetrative sex
  • Can reduce performance anxiety
  • Allows you to learn body and stimulation boundaries and consent
  • Great for long distance or virtual sexual play
  • Doesn’t require receiving or giving touch if you don’t want
  • It’s a great way to explore sex toys together
  • Allows you to form close connections by sharing the experience


Top sex toys to try during mutual masturbation:

The G-spot Bullet

This bullet can be great for exploring all over the body not just the genitals but other parts of the body too. Due to its size it can be a good sex toy to introduce to your partner if they want to try penetration with a sex toy as its size can be easy to insert and move reducing the chance of any uncomfortable sensations during penetration that can occur from larger sex toys when used on another. The strong rumbly motor in the sex toy is also a bonus and are controlled by easy to navigate buttons, meaning you can just get straight into using the sex toy.


The butt plug can allow you to explore app-controlled vibrations meaning that your partner can take charge of the sensations you experience when in the bedroom or long distance. App controlled sex toys can also make it easier for you to use together as you’re not having to navigate buttons on the sex toy. They can also allow the partner they are being used on, control in positioning and placement, which can help show their partner where they like sex toys being used.

Massage candles

These can help you focus on sensual all over body stimulation. The scents from the candles can also help add to arousal. Massage candles are great if you’re a bit unsure of places to explore on your partner and they can help you learn different ways to apply stimulation to different erogenous zones when found.


Is the resident Je Joue Sexologist as well as a clinical sexologist who works as a therapist in private practice. She has trained extensively in the field of human sexuality qualifying in various areas of sexual health, sex, and relationship education, sex and relationship therapy and coaching. She has also trained with the Kinsey Institute for Human Sexuality and is a member of the ISSM and American Board of Sexology.

You can follow Ness on Instagram here and find her website here

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