Sex Education

mutual masturbation 8 tips to becoming a better lover a couple holding hands image by je joueMutual Masturbation: 8 Tips to Becoming a better lover

When you hear the phrase “spectator sport”, odds are football, ice hockey, or tennis are what come to mind. But did you know jacking off can also qualify? Behold: Mutual masturbation, the sex act that transforms solo-sex into a spectator sport.

What Is Mutual Masturbation, Exactly?

Mutual masturbation entails touching yourself while your partner touches themselves at the exact same time, says Texas-based sex educator Goody Howard. “This can happen during cybersex or when you’re in person together,” she says.

Sometimes mutual masturbation is seen as an act where your partner is masturbating you (AKA touching), while you masturbate them back, she notes. But because the a latter is more-commonly referred to as digital sex or hand sex, here we’re talking about the former.

What’s The Point Of Mutual Masturbation?

Short answer: It’s a helluva good time. For the longer answer, keep reading!

mutual masturbation: Builds Intimacy

Beyond being somewhat-taboo, bringing solo sex out from under-the-covers and into your relationship is also really intimate. In fact, clinical sexologist Dr. Megan Stubbs Ed.D author of the forthcoming book Playing Without a Partner: A Singles' Guide to Sex, Dating, and Happiness calls it “one of the intimate sex acts you can do.” Quite the recommendation!

mutual masturbation: Visually stimulating

“Watching your partner masturbate is like a football player watching game-tape,” says Howard. It allows you to learn the techniques and pressures they use, as well as the areas and types of strokers they use most, she says.

Now, should you sit there with a clipboard taking notes? No, not unless that’s a scene you two wanna roleplay. But regardless, you’ll leave the sex-sesh a better understanding of what they like!

mutual masturbation: Makes other types of sex better

You’re not the only one who’s getting to watch so-called game-tape! Your partner is also going to get to see how you like to touch yourself.

Assuming their a good (uh) student, this will likely lead to them using some of those techniques the next time you have sex.

mutual masturbation: Taboos can be hot

Mutual masturbation entails doing something that’s ~*supposed*~ to be done behind closed doors, in front of someone else. “So, doing it in front of someone can tap into the hotness of doing something forbidden,” says Stubbs.

mutual masturbation: Can help you fulfill another fantasy

Because mutual masturbation involves both watching and being watched, the act can help some people fulfill fantasies of exhibitionism and/or voyeurism.

mutual masturbation: Healthy (?!?!)

Look, the fact that masturbating and mutually masturbating feel good are reason enough to do them.

But for the record, research shows solo sex can improve self-confidence, lower your blood pressure, relieve stress, promote mental clarity, ease cramps, and more.

How To Introduce The Idea Mutual Masturbation

“Introducing any sexual topic, complaint, or idea is best when done on neutral territory,” says Stubbs. For example: In the kitchen or den, or while on a walk or drive.

If this is a partner you’re not currently seeing in-person due to social distancing orders, the conversation should take place in the medium you two communicate in most frequently. You might say:

  • “I recently read a blog post about mutual masturbation, and I think it would be sooo hot to try together. Can I email you the link?”
  • “Babe, what are you doing on Saturday? I was thinking it might be fun to watch each other masturbate. Have you ever mutually masturbated before?”
  • “I can’t wait to put my hands all over you once this pandemic is over! But until then, I was thinking it might be sexy to masturbate at the same time while sexting or talking on the phone. How would you feel about that?”
  • “I’ve loved having cybersex with you and I can’t wait have sex with you in person. I don’t feel comfortable taking my mask off in front of you yet, but I was thinking it might be fun to masturbate in front of each other. Yanno, from 6 feet apart while wearing a mask.”

How to Make Mutual Masturbation Even More Enjoyable

It may be hard to believe. But yes, it’s possible to make the act of watching your partner receive pleasure while you’re experiencing pleasure even hotter.

mutual masturbation TIP 1: Sext ahead of time

Yes, even if you’re able to see each other in person!

Why? One word: ANTICIPATION.

“Talking about the fact that you’re going to mutually masturbate can help prepare the body for pleasure,” says Howard. “And when the body is prepared to receive pleasure, that pleasure feels even better!”.

mutual masturbation TIP 2: Get comfortable

Face it Babes, it’s pretty hard to experience pleasure (let alone reach orgasm!) when your body is configured funnily.

“If you’re mutually masturbating in-person, make sure you’re both comfortable,” says Howard.

And if you’re doing so over video, “set up a tripod or phone stand so you don’t have to worry about holding your phone up,” she says. Anyone who’s ever tried it knows your triceps tap out real quick.

mutual masturbation TIP 3: Take out a toy

ICYWW: “Any toys you use on yourself, can be used on yourself in front of your partner,” says Stubbs.

So that rabbit vibrator that makes you squirt buckets? Use it! Or that vibrating cock ring that makes you see stars? Put it on!

“You might choose to use a penetrative toy and tell your partner you wish it was their fingers or penis, or a stroker and tell your partner you wish it was their hands,” she says. *Drools*.

mutual masturbation TIP 4: Bust out a bullet-vibrator

Do you find that vibrators distract from the sexperience, rather than add to it? Some people do, says Howard. “For these folks, I recommend using a smaller bullet vibrator, which provides a similar sensation, without blocking the genitals from the viewer's gaze.”

The Classic Bullet Vibrator ($59.00) in particular is a good option here. No bigger than a thumb, this bite-sized buzzer offers a gentle purr against your ruby or rod. Plus, it comes with a finger sleeve which allows you to turn it into a finger-vibrator.

mutual masturbation TIP 5: Use lube

“Lube should be part of every masturbation practice or sexual encounter, so obviously that includes mutual masturbation,” says Howard.

In addition to making the act feel better (more slide! Less snag! More glide! Less gnaw!), lube also makes the genitals appear wetter, which can be very visually arousing.

Just remember: Silicone-based lubes can’t be used with silicone toys, so stick with water-based lube like the Sliquid H20 Original ($13).

mutual masturbation TIP 6: Incorporate your bum

Nobody said mutual masturbation can only incorporate the front genitals! Packed with over 4,000 nerve-endings—which for the record is the same amount of nerves as what’s in the tip of a penis(!)—touching your anus can feel all-caps GOOD.

One option is to use a butt plug, like the Nuo Vibrating Butt Plug ($139). “A plug looks super cute in your butt, which is visually appealing for your partner, while it also adds a pleasurable feeling of fullness,” says Stubbs.

Important reminder: “Lube is especially important for butt stuff,” she says.

mutual masturbation TIP 7: Stimulate your other erogenous zones

... on the topic of stimulating non-genital erogenous zones, don’t forget that stimulating your chest, nipples, thighs, hands, neck, and scalp can be seriously sensating, too.

Assuming your vibe isn’t covered in globs of lube, you might run your vibe along these hot spots.

Another option is to use a feather, Wartenberg wheel, or fingernail. A light touch is all you need to light these areas up.

mutual masturbation TIP 8: Switch it up

“You have so many positional options for mutual masturbation,” says Stubbs. “So remember that even if you start in one position you don't have to stay in that position.”

*Cue Ariana Grande*.

Flip onto your stomach or onto all fours, she suggests. You might even put the Mimi Soft Cliltoral Vibrator ($95.00) against a pillow and grind against it.

“Flipping over gives will change the sensation for you, while giving your partner a new booty view, she says.

After Mutually Masturbating, Practice Aftercare

When everyone’s nubs are thoroughly rubbed and rods are thoroughly tugged, Stubbs recommends checking in on how you’re all feeling emotionally, physically, and mentally.

Her suggestions:

  • See if anyone needs water or fuel.
  • Ask what parts of the experience they enjoyed.
  • Learn if there were any parts they didn’t enjoy.
  • Find out if it’s something they might want to try again.

“Anytime you try something new, this kind of aftercare is good practice,” she says. The more you know!

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